Bulletproof Heart
by sci-fi.is.my.life
Summary: Roxas was the perfect child. Hiding behind a mask of what he had to be. Concealing his true self from the world. Until he met Axel. Then he was free.
1. Chapter 1

Bulletproof Heart

Pairing: Axel/Roxas

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the idea

He was perfect. The perfect child. The perfect boyfriend. The perfect student.

Everything everybody wanted him to be.

Everything he had to be .

His parents were pleased at how low maintenance he was. He could look after himself, leaving them free to chase their jobs. To work and when, if sparingly, they returned home, they had the stereotype perfect son to return home to.

At least, that was how it looked from the outside. He couldn't help but pity how every person who looked at him was fooled by his wide innocent eyes, shining golden hair and the charming smile on his face. A hollow point smile. A smile born from the same lies that he lived by.

If anyone thought to look past the superficial they would be shocked to discover what he really was. Between the time people saw him at the end of one day and before they saw him on the next did no one stop to consider that he wasn't what he seemed but that in fact Roxas Strife was not the boy he seemed to be? That he was not the mask he despised?

Was it his destiny to live a double life? To be the perfect on one hand and to be the rebel on the other. To keep his real feelings a secret until he died lonely and regretful with a perfect wife and his two point five children at the deathbed holding on to the idea of him.

Not if he had anything to say about it.

At school Namine and Ollette and all the others he surrounded himself with continued to preach the ideas that he had given himself to for the last 17 years. Ideas that he wanted nothing more destroy. On the inside he was screaming that he just didn't care about being perfect. How could they not see how much more there was to life than being _perfect_.

Namine's ideals grounded him. They kept him from showing his true self. The pain from the constant imprisonment of his true self was eating away at him, leaving him hollow. A rotten core surrounded by a projection. A projection of perfection.

At night he found his escape.

Axel.

A man with a soul so free of morals it was dangerous just being close to him.

Roxas loved it.

With Axel he didn't have to be the perfect person he could cast off his second skin and be free.

Drinking, smoking, breaking as many rules along the way as humanly possible. Driving far out into the desert and letting everything he held in check be unleashed in an all powerful night of teenage rebellion.

Whether it be having speed races in their cars. Roxas' latest edition BMW paid for by the parents against Axel's beaten up old mustang that could potentially deafen small children when he revved his engine, grinning manically at Roxas from his drivers seat moments before they left everything in the dust.

There was no denying that Axel was attractive. Everything he stood for called to Roxas. With Axel there were no rules. Anything he wanted to try Axel would make it happen.

Roxas would never forget the first time he met Axel. Walking home from school one day for the simple reason that he just didn't feel like driving. As he did so he spotted a man sprinting towards him with blood red hair and furious, mischievous, cobalt eyes. As the man spotted Roxas he altered course and headed straight towards him. The man crashed into him and shoved him into the nearest alleyway. A hand over his mouth and a body covering his from escaping. Acid green eyes burned into his soul and saw him for what he truly was. A paralysing action Roxas had never been on the receiving end of. He was surprised to find how much it hurt. To have a stranger know you without so much as knowing your name. The stranger grinned at him. His smile filled with the kind of recklessness Roxas longed for.

Pounding footsteps tore the strangers eyes away from his and to the mouth of the alleyway. As they came closer the wildness in the man's eyes grew. Without warning the stranger shoved his mouth onto Roxas'. Roxas fought back and managed to get the man's mouth off of his. The wildness in the man's eyes had been replaced by desperation and pleading.

It was enough. To see this man whom he had never met and probably never would know so desperate to be free from the people who sought to confine him, to rein in his spirit and tie him to conformity was enough for Roxas to tangle his fingers in silky fire and crush their mouths together. After all nobody was there to see his mask break except him and the man to whom he was currently connected.

As soon as the running footsteps had passed Roxas shoved the man off of him and left. Nobody any the wiser of his betrayal.

The man did not leave him alone. Haunting his thoughts late at night when he should be doing something, following one of the rules of perfection. The thoughts only grew in volume and insistence. The endless thoughts finally lead him onto the road driving aimlessly. Some may say it was chance, some may say luck and some fate. It doesn't matter how it was described it happened nonetheless. A horrendous roaring filled the otherwise silent night air. The sound drew Roxas' attention. His eyes met the strangers. Blue met green. Roxas saw Axel. The fleeting sight drew a smirk to the man's lips as he drove past Roxas. Upon seeing the man who had been plaguing his every waking moment Roxas sharply pulled an illegal u turn and sped up to the mustang roaring its anger at the world. The cars drove side by side far past the outskirts of town to the desert. Almost simultaneously the cars stopped in the middle of the road. The drivers rose from their cars. Roxas stormed over to Axel and before the man could react, punched him square in the jaw. He stood shaking with fury while Axel wiped the blood from his lip and spat into the dirt. His eyes seemed to radiate fury and masochistic pleasure as he leapt at Roxas.

Dirt, snarls and fists were flying. Blood painted the desert floor as fury was vented through each other at the world. Through a well placed punch or a jab that was more frustration than anger.

Finally, the exhausted, dirty and bleeding the men broke apart. Glaring into each others eyes, wincing when a wound throbbed or a subtle tightening of the jaw in an attempt not to show pain.

Roxas shoved his hand at the man, ignoring the stab of pain that came from the general area of his body.

"Roxas" Axel quirked his eyebrow and grabbed Roxas' hand

"Axel"

Roxas snorted a 'Hmm', strode over to his car, got in, started the engine and sped away, pointedly ignoring Axel's furious eyes in his rear view mirror.

The meetings followed more or less the same pattern. Roxas would continue to be the perfect person he was on the outside until the ache for freedom grew to much to handle at which time he threw himself into his car and drove until he found Axel. When they saw each other the cars drew along side by side and headed out into the desert where frustrations were released in danger, violence or a period of ranting where Roxas would scream the truth at the sky while Axel would sit on the hood of his car and listen in silence.

Each time Roxas left. No words were spoken. He simply got into his car and went back to his perfect life.

As dawn bled back into the sky, Roxas sat in his car and let his mask cover him again. Pulling on his perfection that carried an Herculean weight with it.

His friends had no inkling of what he was up to. He still conformed to the ideal whilst he was with them. All they saw was the mask. All they believed was the mask he put on for them.

Namine grounding him more and more to his perfection, constantly reminding him of what he was supposed to be happy with.

But when he saw Axel smirking a challenge at him from the drivers seat of his beaten up old mustang that continued to roar its anger at all and sundry, Roxas remembered that gravity didn't mean that much to him when Axel was involved.


	2. Black and broken heart

Bulletproof Heart

Pairing: Axel/Roxas

Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to darkwolflink1 because you rock and you reviewed. Also, to Victoria Dracelle because I still haven't updated Don't Cha (I'm getting there, I swear). You, dearest reader and fellow fan-fictioneer could have your own dedication chapter or even fic if you review *insert not so subtle hint for reviews HERE*

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the remaining half of this cookie, my laptop and my cat. Square Enix owns the rest of this, bar the idea of course. Lol jk they probably own that, too. Stupid copy rights.

Enjoy

Sci-fi

Nobody noticed. Namine kept preaching. Roxas kept pretending.

Apparently his mask was better than he first thought.

None of his friends, supposedly the brightest students the school had ever seen, noticed the growing dark circles under his eyes, the exhaustion that weighted his shoulders down, the turbulent thoughts that he was sure could be seen in his eyes. Axel certainly saw them.

Roxas sat through hours, days, weeks of lessons unaware of the meaning behind the words he was hearing. His concentration stolen by the niggling itch at the back of his mind. Like a headache he was trying to ignore. It just wasn't content to sit there unnoticed and the second its presence was remembered it was back with full pounding force, taking over Roxas' mind until it was the only thing he could think of.

Yet, as soon as the last bell rang he walked to his locker , his heart hammering in his chest, attempting to appear normal, to remain the perfect student. To seem that he departed from the school with a deliberate sense of slowness. To linger over his work, over his friends.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

All he wanted to do was sprint to his car, race to the desert and wait for Axel.

All he did was say a drawn out goodbye to his friends, go home, do homework, eat, have the mandatory phone call with his parents, where ever they were, to assure them that he was still the perfect low-maintenance son they left behind, and wait.

Once the sun began to fall there was no stopping him. Driving the familiar white knuckle drive to the desert. Suburbia faded into sand and his grip on the steering wheel relaxed. His mask fell away and he wasn't perfect anymore. He was Roxas, law breaker, bon fire maker, speed racing, smoking, drinking, dangerous, rebellious teenager. He was free.

By the time he got there Axel was waiting. Leaning against the bonnet of his car, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, eyes glinting in the setting sun.

As Roxas emerged from his car, Axel sauntered over.

"'Bout time you showed up, Roxas"

Roxas merely shrugged as he clambered up to lie against Axel's windshield, letting the last dying rays of sunlight wash over him, turning the insides of his eyelids a colour caught between red and eventual blindness.

He felt Axel climb up next to him and turned his head to face the man lying beside him, eye squinted against the light but refusing to look away. Axel played along.

They lay there looking at each other until well after the sun went down.

Eventually, Axel sighed, turning away from Roxas in favour of the stars. Resting the back of his head against his arms.

"Why did you follow me?" Roxas sat up, confused.

"What do you mean? When?" Axel continued looking up at the night sky

"That first night, why did you follow me?" Roxas shrugged and leant back down

"I had to, I guess"

'What?" Roxas paused trying to explain the feelings that led him to follow Axel, still a stranger, far into the desert and then proceed to attempt to beat the smirk off his defiant face.

"You… you remember the first time we met?" Axel smirked

"Yeah"

"I had to get you out of my head" Axel's smirk fell into a frown.

"What do you mean, Rox?"

"You were stuck in my mind, and I needed to get you out. You were ruining everything I've worked for"

"Everything you want to escape from if you haven't noticed"

"No, Axel, I don't want to escape. I have to be perfect and you were getting in the way."

Axel leapt off the car snarling.

"If you haven't noticed, Roxas, you keep coming back. I'm not making you. Besides, that is not you."

"No, Axel, this isn't me, this is the me I am with you"

"That other person you pretend to be is not you. It's the person you pretend to be so you don't have to deal with normal feelings!"

"NO IT'S NOT! You have to be perfect to get anywhere in this world!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! What matters is that you aren't happy, you aren't free to be you, don't think I can't tell!"

"Happiness doesn't matter, what matters is getting somewhere in this world. To do that you have to be the best, you have to be PERFECT! And you are ruining that for me"

Axel' eyes darkened as he clenched his jaw. Fury radiating off him in waves.

"If I'm ruining everything for you, then why do you keep coming back?"

Roxas' eyes flashed with a matching rage

"I don't know"

Axel shouted a sound of pure frustration and hauled Roxas off his car. Holding him by the shirt and snarling right in his face.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. For someone who is supposed to be smart, you're so stupid sometimes" Roxas wrenched himself free of Axel's grasp

"I'm not stupid, Axel! You just don't understand"

Axel stepped back and threw open the car door.

"You're right. I don't understand"

"See"

"I don't understand why you keep kidding yourself"

Roxas could only stare as Axel slid into his car and drove away, leaving Roxas standing in the dirt listening to Axel's silent rage.

Soon Roxas' frustration joined the fury roaring from the engine of Axel's outdated, imperfect, beaten up, old Mustang.


	3. Save me when the darkness comes

Bulletproof Heart: Save me from the darkness when the end comes

Pairing: Roxas/Axel

Author's note: This chapter is dedicated to 1Candle. Just so you know Axel in around 22 and Roxas is 18. I know but what is age but a number society seeks to bind us by? This is the last chapter but there might be an epilogue coming if I can figure out whether or not Roxas leaves with Axel or keeps pretending.

Enjoy

Sci-fi

It took three weeks for Axel to come back. Twenty one lonely nights lying on the bonnet of his car watching the sun's blood red light be washed away by the nights darkness.

Every night for three weeks Roxas waited for Axel. Every night for three weeks he told himself that it wasn't Axel he was waiting for. He couldn't say what he was waiting for but it sure as hell wasn't Axel. Absolutely not.

Until that night three weeks after the fight they had that had caused more than physical pain, while Roxas was lying on his car absorbing the last remaining warmth from his cooling motor he heard it. The familiar furious roar of Axel's mustang. Angry at the world. Desperate for just a taste of freedom.

The snarling got louder. As Axel grew closer Roxas felt his breathing speed up and his heart rate quicken.

He kept his eyes closed.

The slamming of a door. The almost silent footsteps on the sandy desert floor. The slight dip of his car as Axel hauled himself up onto Roxas' car and lay down next to Roxas. Close enough for the boy with hair the colour of the desert to feel the heat radiating off the fiery red head.

It struck Roxas as almost comical that he had no idea what to say to Axel. For all his intelligence, for all his charm and wit, for all his ability to just the right thing at just the right time he had no idea what to say to the man who had given him his first taste of true freedom. He had no idea how to communicate how he was feeling to the man who had peeled of his mask and lies with a single soul searching glance and seen who he truly was.

Over the past three weeks he had agonised over exactly what he was going to say. The anger his words would hold. The righteous fury of being left alone. The deliberate pain he was going to inflict. Planned and polished. He'd forgotten just how Axel was able to unravel his most well laid plan with his mere presence.

Just as he was about to speak Axel cut him off with a softly whispered.

"What do you want from me, Roxas?" Roxas opened his eyes to find Axel staring up at the sky, lost in the infinite darkness. Without waiting for his answer Axel kept going "Because I know exactly what I want from you"

"What?" Axel sat up and looked back at Roxas

"I want you to tell me what you want. To say out loud what you really want from life because it sure as hell can't be this. Look at you. You're falling apart and I can't stand by and watch you do this anymore"

"Do what, Axel" Roxas sat up and turned to face the red headed law breaker.

"Lie to yourself"

Fury flashed through his veins and Roxas leapt up to slam his fist into the nearest part of Axel he could reach.

His fist was halted by an iron grip.

"No, I'm not letting you fight me Rox. I want an answer. I need an answer"

Roxas ripped his arm out of Axel's hand with a snarl and threw it forward again. Only find himself in the exact same position.

"No, Roxas. Don't do this" Roxas tried to hit Axel with his free fist, but again it was caught. Kicking and snarling in rage, he tried desperately to free himself and continue attacking Axel.

Axel ignored the blows raining down from the blonde haired, blue eyed, broken, lost teenager in front of him. He hauled Roxas to him and held the struggling body to him as if he could smother the boy's fury with his warmth.

The blows became futile, the anger ebbed and Roxas collapsed into Axel. Clinging to the painfully thin, firm, warm, comforting chest in front of him. Ragged sobs tore themselves from his throat.

Axel held him, rubbing a comforting hand over his back. Safe, broken, imperfect, full of raw emotions within the circle of Axel's arms.

"I don't know what to do, Axel" the taller man looked down at the spiky blonde head current burrowing into his abdomen.

"What does your heart say?" Roxas pressed his face further into Axel's chest.

"I don't know. Its beating too loud for me to hear"

"Just…Just breathe and listen"

Roxas turned his head, nestled his cheek into the rib cage of his only real friend and looked out at the stars. Axel kept looking down at the boy in his arms. Affection thrummed through him. The need to protect this fragile yet oh so strong person in his arms, clinging to him like a lifeline, flushed through him.

They stood there breathing each other in. Their frustrations and rampant emotions ignored by the cold world they lived in. Even so it felt like they were the only two people in the world. Surrounded by their own microcosmic universe of heartbeats and ragged breathing.

Roxas pulled back to look up at Axel. Axel met his tremulous gaze.

"I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm so tired Axel. I just want to sleep "

"Ok, Rox"

"Come with me" Axel's eyes widened in shock

"What?"

"I'm sick of being alone. Come with me" For the first time since they met Axel couldn't find his voice.

Roxas looked up, confusion spilling from his eyes

"Axel?"

"Ok" Roxas' eyes relaxed

Without anymore words but with much regret they let each other go and climbed into their respective cars. Axel following Roxas, like he would for the rest of time.

Sand morphed into suburbia as the pair of juxtaposed cars wound their way past front yards and picket fences. Past white washed walls and iron wrought gates.

The pulled up to a house that dwarfed them with its size and oppressive grandeur.

Roxas was waiting by the front door by the time Axel got out of his car.

Hands were joined, locks were opened and thresholds were crossed.

A red light blinked at them from the phone, incessantly telling of them of the message it held.

The pair climbed the stair and travelled the moonlit hallway, both lost in thought with only comfort resting between them. Roxas opened the door to his bedroom.

The room was exactly like his mask. Orderly, no sense of any emotional connection and prefect. If Axel didn't know any better he wouldn't have had any idea that this room belonged to a teenage boy.

Roxas gently pulled Axel over to his bed. They stood facing each other. Roxas' gaze firmly stuck on Axel's chest, refusing to meet his eyes. Axel looked at Roxas searching for his gaze.

Axel reached out a hand and lifted Roxas' chin and finally their eyes met.

"Hey, its ok, I'm here" Axel leant forward and wrapped his arms around Roxas' shoulders. Roxas immediately returned the embrace, throwing his arms around Axel and pulling him impossibly close.

"I don't know who I am anymore, Axel"

Axel tightened his hold in response to Roxas' heart wrenching statement.

It was silent and under watch of the ever present moon they crawled into Roxas' bed. They lay there.

Holding each other together. Holding each other against the cruelties and trials of the world that sought to contain them.

Holding each other they fell asleep.

_Fin_


	4. Let me be the one to save you

Buletproof Heart: Let me the one to save you.

The epilogue.

Pairing: Axel/Roxas

Author's Note: So here it is. I don't think I've ever cried so much while writing. Its up to you whose point of view this is but I think we all know who it is. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it (despite the tears). It would make my day potentially my entire week if you dropped me a review *insert not so subtle hint for reviews here*

Enjoy

Sci-fi

He was greeted by the flashing of his phone when he looked into his kitchen. Pressing play he listened to the message that he'd been waiting for for almost eight years.

Three days later he found himself almost halfway across the country in front of an apartment building that should have been more familiar than it was. Looking at the number scrawled on his hand he headed into the building. It was a far cry from his normal surroundings but in his haste it didn't matter. Neither did the condescending looks of the receptionist and other lobby goers. Nothing mattered except what he would find twelve floors up.

The lift ride lasted forever. It lasted a moment.

The doors slid open with a mechanic whir and a sharp ping.

Heart thudding, chest heaving and hands shaking he walked down the hallway. Eyes roving for the elusive number he was looking for.

4...

5...

6...

He started running unable to contain any sense of composure

7...

8

Jolting to a stop in front of a plain grey door emblazoned with a simple golden figure eight.

He was here. He was separated from the one person who had been able to worm their way permanently into his mind, into his heart, into his soul by an inch of wood

But, god, it was so hard to reach out his hand to grasp his future. A mind full of what-ifs making him wonder if this was too good to be true, just some cruel prank made to cut him to the core. Or What if the man on the other side of the door had changed? What if he wasn't the man he fell in love with? What if the man within didn't love him anymore? What if? What if? What if?

His hand acted of its own accord and he was surprised when a sharp knock reached his ears.

Eternal seconds later a shuffling was hear from inside the apartment. The sound of a lock being unlocked. A chain released.

The unmistakable sound of a door opening.

Blue met green.

And he was home.


End file.
